In considering bias, prejudice, and oppression and how these have affected me personally, I would recall an incident that was reflective of my identity as a pastor’s wife. Speaking from experience, being a pastor’s wife is not an easy job. Unfortunately, or fortunately, whichever way you choose to look at it, we are often defined by what our husbands do. I remember being asked questions and thought, “I am not the one that you are seeking for the pastoral position, I am a school teacher.” Another incident directly related to being a pastor’s wife that I would share involved a group of people that I worked with. I was not invited to participate in an outing with this group because I was a “pastor’s wife.” This incident initially belittled me. It was terribly hurtful and to think that these people were supposed to be my friends. It took me some time to realize that these people that chose to not include me in their evening activities, were probably more ashamed of what they were going to be doing than the fact that I was a pastor’s wife. They were embarrassed and not inviting me to participate with them kept them from feeling bad for doing whatever it was they were going to be doing. After a while, and a few hurt feelings, I realized just how fortunate I was to have been called to be the wife of a pastor. I love my husband and my church and would not change this part of my life for anything. If others wanted to shun me for who I am, then so be it. After praying about this situation, I knew that I had to change the way that I felt about this situation or I was going to be the one who was miserable and I did not want that.
Hi Amy,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that you mostly always have to change the way to look at things because it is hard to change other people. You can more easily change the way you react to other's actions. Do you think you were being stereotyped as a pastor's wife without being given the benefit of the doubt. Would you really have been offended by what they were going to do or say during that evening? If yes, then maybe it is indeed better you did not go. But I hear what you are saying, it is one thing to decide on your own that you do not want to go and it is another feeling to be excluded just because of your status. I feel like I will be encountering the same sort of things once I am an administrator and teachers will stop inviting me to functions so they can be free and not self-conscious.
Hi Amy,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post. I have a wonderful friend who is a pastor's wife. She has mentioned these same issues. Your relationships with your husband, family, and God are the important ones. Those other people are probably ashamed to do or say certain things in your presence. Thanks for sharing.
Amy
Hello Amy,
ReplyDeleteI feel as though a pastor's wife are often defined by what you all husbands do. I agree with you that your husband should be asked questions because of his pastoral position and not you due to the fact that you are a school teacher.
Hi Amy,
ReplyDeleteGreat Post! I agree that people often define a pastor's wife by what their husbands do. I feel that people should look at each of you as your own individual person. I know I taught a pastor's daughter my first year of teaching and I remember being nervous at first but then I did my job the best I could, treating his daughter the same as all my other students. This same year, I became pregnant and it was hard for me to tell them because I know what the church says about having children before being married, but to my benefit, they were very supportive and couldn't have been any happier for me. I realized that although they may be a pastor or a family of a pastor, they are normal people who do normal things and they want to be treated just like anyone else.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Hi Amy,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your post. I can only imagine the hurt you felt for being associated with your title and your relationship versus you as a person. I can imagine it was not easy. I am glad you were given peace about the situation.